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How We Secretly Lose Control of Our Startups
Should Kids Follow in Our Founder Footsteps?
The Evolution of Entry Level Workers
Assume Everyone Will Leave in Year One
Stop Listening to Investors
Was Mortgaging My Life Worth it?
What's My Startup Worth in an Acquisition?
When Our Ambition is Our Enemy
Are Startups in a "Silent Recession"?
The 5 Types of Startup Funding
What Is Startup Funding?
Do Founders Deserve Their Profit?
Michelle Glauser on Diversity and Inclusion
The Utter STUPIDITY of "Risking it All"
Committees Are Where Progress Goes to Die
More Money (Really Means) More Problems
Why Most Founders Don't Get Rich
Investors will be Obsolete
Why is a Founder so Hard to Replace?
We Can't Grow by Saying "No"
Do People Really Want Me to Succeed?
Is the Problem the Player or the Coach?
Will Investors Bail Me Out?
The Value of Actually Getting Paid
Why do Founders Suck at Asking for Help?
Wait a Minute before Giving Away Equity
You Only Think You Work Hard
SMALL is the New Big — Embracing Efficiency in the Age of AI
The 9 Best Growth Agencies for Startups
This is BOOTSTRAPPED — 3 Strategies to Build Your Startup Without Funding
Never Share Your Net Worth
A Steady Hand in the Middle of the Storm
Risk it All vs Steady Paycheck
How About a Startup that Just Makes Money?
How to Recruit a Rockstar Advisor
Why Having Zero Experience is a Huge Asset
My Competitor Got Funded — Am I Screwed?
The Hidden Treasure of Failed Startups
If It Makes Money, It Makes Sense
Why do VCs Keep Giving Failed Founders Money?
$10K Per Month isn't Just Revenue — It's Life Support
The Ridiculous Spectrum of Investor Feedback
Startup CEOs Aren't Really CEOs
Series A, B, C, D, and E Funding: How It Works
Best Pitch Decks Ever: The Most Successful Fundraising Pitches You Need to Know
When to Raise Funds
Why Aren't Investors Responding to Me?
Should I Regret Not Raising Capital?
Unemployment Cases — Why I LOOOOOVE To Win Them So Much.
How Much to Pay Yourself
Heat-Seeking Missile: WePay’s Journey to Product-Market Fit — Interview with Rich Aberman, Co-Founder of Wepay
The R&D technique for startups: Rip off & Duplicate
Why Some Startups Win.
Chapter #1: First Steps To Validate Your Business Idea
Product Users, Not Ideas, Will Determine Your Startup’s Fate
Drop Your Free Tier
Your Advisors Are Probably Wrong
Growth Isn't Always Good
How to Shut Down Gracefully
How Does My Startup Get Acquired?
Can Entrepreneurship Be Taught?
How to Pick the Wrong Co-Founder
Staying Small While Going Big
Investors are NOT on Our Side of the Table
Who am I Really Competing Against?
Why Can't Founders Replace Themselves?
Actually, We Have Plenty of Time
Quitting vs Letting Go
How Startups Actually Get Bought
What if I'm Building the Wrong Product?
Are Founders Driven by Fear or Greed?
Why I'm Either Working or Feeling Guilty
Startup Financial Assumptions
Why Every Kid Should be a Startup Founder
We Only Have to be Right Once
If a Startup Sinks, Founders Go Down With it
Founder Success: We Need a Strict Definition of Personal Success
Is Quiet Quitting a Problem at Startup Companies?
Founder Exits are Hard Work and Good Fortune, Not "Good Luck"
Finalizing Startup Projections
All Founders are Beloved In Good Times
Our Startup Culture of Entitlement
The Bullshit Case for Raising Capital
How do We Manage Our Founder Flaws?
What If my plan for retirement is "never retire"?
Startup Failure is just One Chapter in Founder Life
6 Similarities between Startup Founders and Pro Athletes
All Founders Make Bad Decisions — and That's OK
Startup Board Negotiations: How do I tell the board I need a new deal?
Founder Sacrifice — At What Point Have I Gone Too Far?
Youth Entrepreneurship: Can Middle Schoolers be Founders?
Living the Founder Legend Isn't so Fun
Why Do VC Funded Startups Love "Fake Growth?"
How Should I Share My Wealth with Family?
How Many Deaths Can a Startup Survive?
This is Probably Your Last Success
Why Do We Still Have Full-Time Employees?
The Case Against Full Transparency
Should I Feel Guilty for Failing?
Always Take Money off the Table

What if Our Startup Anxiety Never Quits?

Wil Schroter

What if Our Startup Anxiety Never Quits?

What if no matter what we do, our anxiety never goes away?

We all want to believe that the relief from whatever is stressing us out is just one milestone away. If we could just raise this next round, or get the product shipped, or get to profitability — we'd be able to breathe easy.

It doesn't stop there. We believe if we just make enough money, meet the right person, or finally buy that one thing then we'll be "satisfied" and all that anxiety will melt.

But what if it never does? What if all of our achievements keep bringing us right back to the same point — and we can never figure out why? Can we really "out achieve" our anxiety?

I Tried It — It Didn't Work!

Let me tell you Founder friends — I tried it. I started this game with a boatload of anxiety about life. I graduated high school at the bottom of my class, got rejected from every college I applied to, had $0 in the bank, and didn't even have a date to prom. Let's just say things weren't going really well for this guy.

Soon after I launched my startup, and by the time I was 22 I was a millionaire. I learned two things — that having a bunch of money didn't help my anxiety one bit, but it did make it 10% easier to find a date. So "yay" to that I guess…

From there I spent nearly 30 years checking boxes. Houses, cars, wife, kids — you name it. I started 9 startups because I was dumb enough to think that was a really good idea (it's not, don't do it). No matter what I did, no matter what boxes I checked, nothing changed. I still woke up at 2 a.m. in cold sweats worrying about something, no different than when I was graduating high school with zero boxes checked.

It's Not The Thing, It's The Anxiety

It turns out that those milestones were never my issue — it was the anxiety itself. What messes us up is that we all project that anxiety onto something real, and then pretend that if that thing gets fixed or achieved, then the anxiety will disappear with it. Spoiler alert — it won't.

It's really hard for us to believe this — REALLY hard. In fact, you're probably reading this right now saying "This guy is an idiot! If I had what he has I'd be golden and wouldn't be writing crying, self-pitying essays like this!" To be fair, you're probably right on both counts, but that doesn't mean the same anxiety you're feeling right now would magically disappear. You're falling for the trap.

The trap is that it's the anxiety that we're really battling. This feeling of not being safe, not being validated, not being heard. While we think our achievements will "solve" that anxiety, the real solution is recognizing what that anxiety really is and vanquishing the source of that feeling altogether.

How Do I Slay This Vile Demon?

Oof, now that's the real question. There's no one size fits all answer here because how we each got here is very different, even if the labels of our demons kind of look the same. The first step in my experience (your mileage may vary) is to recognize, often in disbelief, that no matter what you think you can "solve" by checking boxes, the anxiety actually won't change.

Instead, the key is to dig into the "why" of our anxiety. Why don't we feel safe? Have we always felt unsafe? Where does that come from? Are we actually not safe or do we just feel that way? By the way that last question is often the trickiest.

All together we need to find the psychology behind these feelings, not just the simple surface-level feelings. And now we're beyond where my lack of professional experience can take us. The road forward involves someone way more qualified than me, but my goal here is just to give you, my fellow Founder, just a little nudge to begin your own exploration. As always, you're not alone, and I'm here to listen.

In Case You Missed It

Why Can't I Be Happy Where I Am? (podcast) Why is it that as Founders, we feel like we must constantly be chasing something - otherwise we don't feel satisfied? Listen in to find peace within Startup chaos!

How I Harness My Insane Startup Anxiety. There are two types of Founders: those that admit they are wracked with anxiety, and those that are lying about it. We’re all going to deal with it for the rest of our lives — so why not use it as a superpower, instead of reacting like it’s kryptonite?

We're All Afraid of Paper Demons (podcast) When you start to focus your attention on something that has not happened yet it will create growing anxiety that will hinder what you are truly capable of achieving. Stop worrying about the things that didn’t happen and start planning based on what’s happening now.

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Paul Logan

So true, Wil. I actually devote a fair bit of attention to relieving anxiety throughout the day. It's fairly constant. 😏 Appreciate you talking about it for everyone.

Reply3 months ago

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