We're So Connected — And Totally Lonely

Being a Founder has always been a lonely experience. So how is it that with a million ways to connect to each other, we've never been more lonely?

In the past couple of years when I sit down with Founders in person, I always ask how well they are maintaining their personal relationships. In the past few years, I've noticed a significant downward trend where more Founders are finding themselves more isolated from the world around them.

Being a Founder was always isolating, but this trend really concerns me.

We used to live in a world where we were surrounded by co-workers by day, out with friends and loved ones at night, and having conversations on the phone with those we couldn't connect with in person.

Since then, we've begun to build a world that has burned down those institutions, especially in the startup world, leaving Founders with fewer opportunities to make real human connections than ever before.

Work From Home (Alone)

Ever since COVID, the Work from Home revolution has fundamentally changed the staple that was the startup office. I've always been a huge fan of work from home, however as a very extroverted person, even I can feel how isolating it's become.

Even though I didn't love going into an office (and never will again), I have to admit it was responsible for a ton of personal connections and memories. I have zero fond memories of a single Zoom call. Those interactions also helped shape me as a Founder, because they forced me to learn important social cues, absorb lessons from people more experienced than me, and tune up my emotional quotient so I could handle interpersonal problems better.

I think about Founders who have entered the workforce in the last 5 years and have likely never seen any of these benefits. Or I think about Founders who had these benefits before, but are now struggling to replace them digitally. It leaves a major gap in our evolution.

I've realized the interpersonal connection between colleagues has to come back. We don't need to spend 10 hours a day with our co-workers or customers, but we do need to see them, face to face, to rebuild that personal connection and refill our own buckets.

Social Networks Replaced Real Connection with Performance

Social Media has replaced engaging in life with simply watching it. It created a new kind of interaction — one that is based on performance. We used to share wins at dinner parties or talk through ideas over drinks. Now we do it through curated posts and highlight reels.

Founders feel this more than anyone. Every post has to position us as successful, confident, and in control, even when we’re not. The pressure to perform is constant. And it’s exhausting and unfulfilling.

We need to separate social media from reality, in the same way we separate movies from reality. It's fun to watch, but there's no participation. Founders need actual interactions where we explore, express and evolve. If nothing else, just that feeling of venting in front of someone else who actually gives a shit.

AI = "Authenticity Incinerated"

Now we're stacking another new technology on top of everything else — AI. I love AI, and I use it regularly, but holy cow is it going to take what was left of our loneliness and replace the last bastion of humanity with a highly optimized algorithm.

Founders are using AI for emails, investor updates, landing page copy, and apparently every social media post and comment there is. We're replacing effort with efficiency, and in the process, producing a lifeless stream of... stuff. The lack of humanity is making that feeling of loneliness even more impersonal.

There's a time and a place for automation, but not at the expense of our humanity. We're about to see a world that is desperate for authenticity. As Founders we can be the beacon of that authenticity. We can be the person that eschews the automation in favor of opting into the most personal connection possible. These days we'll stand out just for doing the same thing the rest of the world did for thousands of years — being human.

Connection is a Full Time Job

The reason we're so increasingly alone is that loneliness has become our default condition. We live in a world where it's easier than ever to function without ever seeing humans, and there's a pressing danger to that psychologically.

Even if you're an introvert, and you appreciate not having to have forced connections, there is still a basic need for that human connection. Combining total isolation with the (already isolating) journey of being a Founder is a recipe for disaster.

So get out there. Book that lunch, say yes to that trip. Stop typing with your thumbs and actually call that person to hear their voice. Put a premium on every possible opportunity to be in front of your fellow humans. If isolation is the default condition, then as Founders, our mission should be connection, and that connection, is a full time job.

In Case You Missed It

Why Do I Feel So Alone? No one ever tells you in the “Starting a Company” brochure that the journey will not only include crippling anxiety, drowning in personal debt, and endless challenges — but also a healthy dose of personal loneliness.

The Emotional Cost of Being a Founder When we talk about building startups, we talk about lots of costs: Staffing costs, the cost of capital, cost per acquisition, and opportunity cost. But we never talk about the biggest cost – the emotional cost.

Don’t Work Long Hours, Work Efficient Hours As Founders, we should stop being "long hours" champions and instead start being proud of how much we can do in as few hours as possible.