Why are We Really Building a Startup?

Every Founder lies about why they are building a startup.

It's not because they are deceptive; I find Founders to be the most vulnerable and honest people I've ever met. It's because they aren't honest with themselves about why they are really building their startups.

When you ask a Founder why they are building, they are inevitably going to give you a stock answer like "I want to change the world!" or "I want to build a huge company!" and, of course, that sounds flowery and wonderful.

But that's not the real answer. The real answer is why are we building anything at all? What is the core purpose within us that drives us so hard to run through walls, empty our bank accounts, and set fire to our personal lives? It's not because we couldn't wait to build the next Apple or Nike.

It's because there's some deep personal shit we need to work out.

Being Honest About Why

It would be awesome to tell you that I built Startups.com because I want every person to be a Founder. That's true. But that's not why I built it. I built Startups.com, and every company before that, because I was never safe and secure as a child, and I needed to be able to control my own world to ensure my personal safety.

Now stop right there. Can you imagine telling an investor that? (BTW, don't!)

Can you imagine saying that publicly? (Well, I guess I just did, so now we both can). I'm not saying we need to post it on social; I'm saying we need to be brutally honest about what's really driving us, because when we map everything back to our true North Star, it starts to shed light on why we're building anything.

When we say we want to build a huge company, that's not the end. That's the means to the end. The end is what we are expecting to change within us, which building a huge company will accomplish. What if what we're really trying to accomplish personally doesn't even align with what we're doing?

That's definitely worth unpacking.

The North Star of Why

Chances are, I already know your North Star, not because I'm some sort of Startup Nostradamus but because I've heard this story so many times it almost always falls into the same categories. Your parents didn't validate you, you got picked on in high school, and you were always told by someone important to you that you didn't matter. The list goes on, but it's almost always the same stuff.

The point is that we all have a deeper North Star that is driving us. The important part about that North Star is to first understand what it even is. When we take the time to unpack and define our North Star, it helps us map our path and decisions back to it and evaluate it honestly.

What we're also trying to do is find out whether the path we're about to embark on as Founders building a startup will actually accomplish the underlying goal. If what we're honestly trying to do is prove to everyone in the Class of 2005 that we're not that dork everyone thought we were, raising $200 million in VC is not the only way to get there. In fact, it's probably the dumbest path, even if it seems to feel like it would get the job done.

Minimum Viable Ego

What we're after is the most successful path that will fill that void. Literally, what's the minimum viable path that would satisfy our ego (if that's the issue, and it usually is)? So if we're solving for the "Class of 2005 Dork Problem", what we're looking for is the absolute minimum requirements that would solve for that issue.

So if I asked you, "Would having a company doing $5 million in revenue, earning you $2 million per year, and flying private make you feel like your old classmates will respect you?" and you said "Yes", then that's what we're solving for. If getting your own denim jeans brand on the racks at Nordstrom will make you feel like your old boss treating you like a chump is the final "eff you" (and I hope it is!), then let's solve for that.

But let's be honest about what we're trying to do before we lift a finger, because the last thing we want is to create more effort and risk than our goals require. If earning $5 million on $2 million net gets the job done, we don't even need VC for that. So let's not overcomplicate the path.

It's Harder than it Sounds

Now, I know the answer here is "Well, your startup shouldn't be what fills your psychological voids and mends your bruised ego. You should work that out without startup and be a whole person!"

That sounds lovely, it's the right answer, and it works never.

It's incredibly hard to unpack and lay bare what truly drives us. I don't see a ton of Founders doing this well, if at all. However, for those who do, they are unstoppable. Because instead of building blindly, hoping that some random outcome will satisfy some unsaid need, they are building exactly what they need to for exactly the right outcome, regardless of where it came from.

Now that's how you un-dork yourself.

In Case You Missed It

Forget "Big Ideas" — Start With Your North Star (podcast) We need to focus on what we are trying to achieve before taking action on any big ideas because some of these ideas don't necessarily lead to where we want to go.

Everyone Says My Idea is Dumb. Is It? Becoming a Founder is often the first time in our lives where the advice of others — even our parents — may not necessarily be useful advice. So let’s be hyper-aware about how we get feedback and who we're asking to evaluate our idea.

What is Product Differentiation? As Founders, how do we clarify the differences between our products and other products on the market while preventing overlap between the offerings?